Willie: Yet Another Open Letter, This Time For The Lunch Offender
C’mon, dude.
The new Willie is putting a lot of work these days. I sweat through my suit every single day because I believe in being successful at what I do, and increasing the company’s bottom line. The only period of solace that I get during the day is that hour (or less) that I get in the middle of the day for lunch.
Yesterday I got up extra early to grill a nice, fresh chicken breast for lunch, along with some broccoli and rice. I’m trying to get right, you know. I packaged it in an airtight, recyclable plastic container and then wrapped the whole thing in a Target bag. Secured with a knot, mind you. You’d have to cut it open to get into it.
So imagine my dismay when I open the fridge at lunch, only to discover that the bag had been torn open. Somebody opened the bag to see what was in it! They couldn’t have possibly confused it for another Target bag, because mine was the only one in there. But I see these types at every job – lunch molesters. They troll through the fridge looking for bits and pieces of other people’s food because they’re too _______ cheap to get their own.
Sorry – the new Willie got a little carried away. That’s not in my nature.
Luckily, the food inside my container was untouched. I launched an immediate inquiry, but couldn’t turn up any leads. Nobody wants to be a breakroom snitch. I get it. Somebody’s lunch gets molested and nobody wants to do anything about it? Fine. I’m watching all of you. Whenever you go into the breakroom i’m right behind you, breathing over your shoulder.
I will find out who violated my lunch, and you will answer to me. Believe that.